What a Cop is Looking for in a Relationship
What a cop is looking for in a relationship? My husband once told me, “I always wanted a wife that can cook.” Now, that might sound so stereotypical, but he wanted a nurturing woman who could care for him and his children in the home while he was working. The oddest thing is that, as the same time, I have a full time career that he fully supports. While he has never said it out loud, I know that loyalty is huge for him too. Read on for more on what a cop is looking for in a relationship.
Or, watch my free YouTube series all about dating a cop.
I am sure you love the man, not the officer, but, as a police wife of 10 years (who dated my officer for 10 years before marriage), I can confidently state that dating a police officer is unique.
Check out my mindset & practical tips for being a joyful police wife in my police wife course and heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book with 41 stories from my police dating and marriage life. I also write a police kids book, Boots by the Door, and my husband wrote a memoir about being a generational police officer and his own police work in south Los Angeles in Why Is Everything Wet?
What Kind of Woman do Cops Like to Date?
Cops join their respective departments, because they believe in what they do. I share more on this topic in this entire blog on what kind of woman do cops like to date.
1. Generally, police officers want a woman who shares their values. My husband told me once, “I always wanted a woman who could cook” after I made him lasagna for the first time. Traditional values, such as women who enjoy homemaking and cooking, are often important.
2. Flexibility is key to thrive in a relationship with a cop. Rick once told me, “I need you to support my career.” While this statement is quite general, he was referring to my acceptance of his chaotic schedule, which often includes overtime, court, and unpredictability in work scheduling in general.
3. Pride in law enforcement, even if you don’t wear Thin Blue Line apparel or scream it from the roof tops, is important to police officers. I came from a liberal background and it took me time to set boundaries with friends who did not support law enforcement. My police officer did not want to deal with that off duty.
4. Loyalty is very important and generally a part of the law enforcement culture. My police husband depends on his partner at work to have his back in scary situations. In an intimate relationship, the expectation is no different. We have to have one another’s backs.
5. A nurturing, caring woman. While I started off this blog stating that Rick said he always wanted a wife who could cook and you may have rolled your eyes at that, I know that what he meant is that he wanted someone who was good at homemaking, who enjoying caring for him and his children. I love homemaking and provide my tips on homemaking productivity here as well as my meal planning here.
How Can I Date a Cop?
Be ready for fun car dates where you bring your officer a meal or coffee/tea while he is working. Enjoying quality time over quantity is so very important while dating a police officer or in police marriages. Last minute vacations are a part of dating a cop as well. Planning ahead can be quite difficult due to police schedules.
My police husband gets a new DP (deployment period) schedule every 4 weeks and it does not correspond with the calendar month. He does not work consistent days of the week. We do not know what his days off are in the following four week period.
I strongly recommend embracing the police schedule and life. Our police family definitely enjoys time off together, but we do quite a bit of last minute vacations. We even got a cabin driving distance for last minute getaways. We love AirBnb for this reason.
Check out my entire blog on How to Date a Police Officer
You find yourself frustrated with your officer's unpredictable hours, feeling like he's "married to the job," and juggling life and parenting alone. After Sustainable Police Wife, you will wake up each day looking forward to your day, even if your spouse isn’t home, working nights, and tons of overtime. The solo parenting days go by so fast, because you’re out having crazy, fun adventures with your children. You will feel supported by a tribe who "gets you" and connected to your officer.
Who Do Police Officers Marry?
I am going to be completely honest with you. I strongly believe that my police husband married me for my loyalty to him and strength. He always used to tell me that I was strong. He was referring to my emotional strength rather than my physical. While I have struggled as a police wife, I came out of each challenge even stronger. We wives are alone quite a bit and take on more than other wives because our spouses work a lot. You need to be independent and strong. In addition, loyalty is so incredibly important. Our police husbands want a loyal partner at work and at home. I never question my husband’s loyalty to me. We are in this together. Even though there may be weeks when we do not see each other that much, we stay in touch and remind each other how much we love each other in text and quick kisses between shifts. We wait until we can be physically together to make big decisions together. I share similar practical tips in my heelsandholster: a police wife course.