What Kind of Woman do Cops Like to Date?
As a police wife of 10 years and friend to many other women that cops have dated, I can say that there are characteristics that we all have in common. What kind of woman do cops like to date or what kind of woman do police officers like? Let me start off with a recent story of a date I went on with my husband. Check out my police wife course if you are feeling resentful, frustrated, overwhelmed, or lonely as a police wife or girlfriend. I share 41 stories like this in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional. You would also love my police husband’s new memoir book, Why is Everything Wet? Don’t miss my new children’s book too, Boots by the Door.
Rick and I went on a date, which is rare for us, to House of Spirits (which is a mix of a murder mystery, risque dancing, haunted house, and drinking) held in different old buildings in Los Angeles. We went the last few years. This year we invited our besties.
As we drove by the entrance, we could see that they had security who were scanning people before they went in. Prior to arrival, Rick asks me to text his friend, who is already there, to see if they let his friend in with his gun (a legal, concealed weapon). His friend texts back that he didn't bring it. Rick tells me that he's going to bring it. We find a parking spot and walk up to security. They start scanning Rick's coat and it buzzes. He was wearing suspenders and said, “oh that's just my suspenders.” The guy scanning it says, “Oh, okay.” They scan a bit more and Rick says, “oh that's just my clip.” The guy smiles and Rick and kind of laughs, “Oh, okay.” They don't even scan me and then let us in.
I asked Rick, “What would you have done if they found it?" He said, “I would have told them and shown them my badge, but they don't have to let me in.” He tells me, “Those guys were 77th gangsters.” I said, “The guys working security?” He said, “Yeah. They were all friendly with me, I could tell from the tattoos on their neck, and they knew who I was.”
I found this moment so odd. We are out on a typical date night, but Rick can't “get away” from work. It wasn't just that he couldn't get away from work for me. It was that he experienced that whole interaction differently that I did. First off, they didn't scan me at at all, but that's just because of gender and in ability to hide a weapon easily under my dress. Secondly, I had no idea that the security guys had tattoos on their necks. Like, I just saw young dudes, you know? We had such a fun time, but I asked Rick more about this on our way home.
Keep reading to learn more about what kind of woman cops like to date and why I shared this story…
What kind of woman do police officers like?
Cops like to date women who are loyal and can empathize with their point of view. In my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional I have several chapters on “The Way My Officer Sees Things” because I believe it’s something I learned the hard way. I learned overtime that my officer sees the world differently than I do. He experiences things differently than I do like the story I share above. Empathy, placing ourselves in someone else’s shoes, is so incredibly important to a relationship with a police officer. It’s important that your officer also does the same with you. They need to remember that we civilians don’t see what they do at work and we can’t anticipate the way they will respond.
What do police officers look for in a relationship?
I share more on this in an entire blog on what a cop is looking for in a relationship. In a nutshell, No drama. Our police officers deal with so much drama and trauma at work. Our home is less than peaceful in that we have two young very active boys. It’s not perfectly clean, but we do follow general routines in our home that keep everyone sane. I love a good reality TV show drama, but I’m not one that likes unnecessary drama in my own life. I tend to respond pretty chill to situations especially if I know that my husband is stressed. I know that, if I can chill out, then it will help him and the whole situation. I’m not perfect at this but let me give you a couple examples.
When riots broke out in Los Angeles, Rick was scheduled on A/B watch, which means 12 hours on and 12 hours off until who knows when. I am a working mom, but I have designed our lives so that I can be independent and our children are cared for regardless of Rick’s schedule. It was a stressful time, but I focused on the task at hand. I needed to take care of myself and our children independently until Rick was able to be home with us. Me worrying about Rick would not do anyone any good. I turned off the news and we chatted after he was able to have a day off. You can read more about this in my husband’s new memoir book, Why is Everything Wet?
My police husband went straight from work to the hospital with kidney stones. I was home alone with our children. He called to tell me that he had to go to the hospital. While I was worried about him and knew I wanted to be there for him, I knew me staying home with our boys was the best thing. He was taken care of at the hospital and I stayed home to care for our children.
You find yourself frustrated with your officer's unpredictable hours, feeling like he's "married to the job," and juggling life and parenting alone. After Sustainable Police Wife, you will wake up each day looking forward to your day, even if your spouse isn’t home, working nights, and tons of overtime. The solo parenting days go by so fast, because you’re out having crazy, fun adventures with your children. You will feel supported by a tribe who "gets you" and connected to your officer.
Struggles of dating a police officer
If you can’t tell from the examples above of instable shift work schedules, overtime, chaos at work, there are many struggles that come with dating a police officer, but you can overcome them by taking care of yourself and your children (if you have any) and focusing on setting your life up for independence. We can’t depend on our officers all of the time, because they are deploying to serve the city, county, etc. when they leave for work. As a police wife, I have learned to ensure that all of my and my kids’ daily needs are met whether or not my officer is home.
Do cops sleep around?
This is a common fear of those dating a cop, because their shifts aren’t normal and communication can lack due to being busy at work. Transparency is key. Trust comes with time as well. You should feel welcome visiting your officer at the station occasionally. Overtime, you two may exchange phone passwords; this can help you feel like he has nothing to hide. I share more about how to deal with our officers working with female partners here. I also share about my officer working undercover with women here.
Are police officers controlling in relationships?
I remember the first time I wanted to go on a jog with our new baby. My officer gave me a map he drew of streets he was okay with me jogging on. What?! At first, I was weirded out. Then, I realized that he spotted crime going on near where we lived and just didn’t want to go jogging in that area. I have an entire blog on this topic and address I more in my book. At times, it may feel like they are controlling, because of their hypervigilance. Police officers are keenly aware of their surroundings and what goes on behind the scenes. They observe things we don’t.
How to tell if a police officer likes you?
Cops must be confident to do their job. I believe they will be direct with you and ask you out if they’re interested. I have had women message me asking about a lack of communication from an officer they were dating at times. If you haven’t heard from an officer you’re dating for a while, then ask them directly if they’re still interested in dating you. Give them time and space. An officer typically embodies a traditional man and will seek you out if they are interested. Of course due to busy shift work, it may take them time to reach out, so be patient.
I truly hope this blog helped you learn more about what kind of woman do cops like to date. For more information, keep reading:
Who are police officers most likely to marry?
Police officers are looking for someone with mental stability, a caregiver, and independence. Mental stability is necessary as a police wife as you will face shift work instability and unexpected overtime as well as police hate. Police officers look for caregivers, because, if they want a family, their wife will typically be the primary caregiver or default parent of their children while they work long hours. Lastly, an independence as a woman is necessary if you want to be a police wife.