How to Reconnect with Your Spouse as a Cop’s Wife
I commonly told my police officer husband, “You’re never home” and I’m lonely in the early, very busy years as a cop’s wife. We were both juggling our careers and young children. I know what you’re thinking. That was the opposite of helpful. You’re 100% accurate. I’m here to share with you what actually helped during those very busy times as a cop’s wife when you are two ships passing in the night. You may also want to check out my police wife course, heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book and kids books, Boots by the Door and Donuts at the Station, a book for police kids with mindset & practical changes you can make in your marriage to be joyful & feel connected again.
How to reconnect with your spouse: #1 Prioritize your police spouse on your day’s off as a policeman’s wife.
If you want to spend time with friends, have them over to the house for a BBQ or go somewhere together as a group.
If you have young children, spend nights alone after they go to sleep together doing what you both enjoy as a way of reconnecting with your spouse. Rick and I love to Netflix and chill, but often we chat a bit before watching a show. Being a policeman’s wife does mean that your family and relationship routines look different than others, but that’s okay. Here are some fun at-home date ideas.
How to reconnect with your spouse #2 Plan and schedule days off together with your police spouse like other wives of police officers.
A major police office marriage issue is overtime work for wives of police officers. Lately, I know there is a ton of demand for officers to work overtime due to being short staffed in their department. Ask your police spouse to use his vacation time anyway. Plan ahead so his department can plan ahead as well. I know it’s hard these days, but just try. It will give you something to look forward to.
You find yourself frustrated with your officer's unpredictable hours, feeling like he's "married to the job," and juggling life and parenting alone. After Sustainable Police Wife, you will wake up each day looking forward to your day, even if your spouse isn’t home, working nights, and tons of overtime. The solo parenting days go by so fast, because you’re out having crazy, fun adventures with your children. You will feel supported by a tribe who "gets you" and connected to your officer.
How to reconnect with your spouse #3: Decide on a daily communication routine in your police officer marriage.
When Rick and I were long distance, had opposite schedules, and a time difference in our first few years of marriage, we decided that he would call me on his way home from work, which happened to be in the middle of the night my time. I did not care. This is what we needed to do in our police officer marriage to make it work. I wanted to make sure we could chat each day. We did not have kids then, so I could sleep in as needed. I looked forward to that moment to reconnect each day. Yes, this meant I sacrificed some sleep and was half asleep when we talked, but it was better than no talking at all. This really helped with preventing police wife depression and other common police wife struggles.
Today, Rick and I text with each other most days. A phone call is used only if it is something really important. When we text each other, we ask how one another’s day is going. I tell Rick how our boys are doing that day, how my work day is going, etc. I update him about events coming up soon or things we might need to chat about later. Rick is not a big sharer/talker. He often sends me funny memes or jokes via text, but this is is way of connecting. He makes me laugh. This is okay too!
How to reconnect with your spouse #4: Make Him Lunch and Leave Him a Note
I didn’t always make Rick’s work lunches for him especially when our boys were babies and toddlers. Now that I have the time and I am making our boy’s school lunches, I pack Rick’s lunch too. Sporadically, I will leave him a note or just something special in his lunch. He actually does the same for us. He will throw a candy in our lunches before his shift and it’s a sweet surprise. Often, Rick will text me to thank me for his lunch. Again, this keeps us a part of one another’s day even if we are passing ships. Check out more about the lunches I pack for Rick here.
How to reconnect with your spouse #5: Curb police wife struggles by making a Gratitude Wall: I’m thankful for my police husband because…
If you are feeling really down about missing your spouse, focus on the positive by placing one thing you’re thankful for on a sticky note on your wall until you feel less stressed. Focusing on the positive things will change your mindset.