How to Thrive with Solo Parenting Challenges as a Police Wife
Check out my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book and Boots by the Door, a children’s police book which includes real stories from motherhood as a mom of two boys and police wife. I truly hope this blog provides you with the solo parenting help, resources, and tips you need to address common solo parenting challenges.
I remember the first day Rick worked after I had Maverick, our first son, I decided to give Maverick a bath and he pooped all over the side of the tub and it was a disaster. He was just one month and a tiny slippery little guy. He had never done that before and of course it happened while I was as alone. Family would visit and help us, but there were things I’d tell them that I knew I needed to learn to do on my own without their help. We lived on a third floor apartment. I had to learn how to get myself, Maverick, and our groceries up the stairs, how to get me, Maverick and the stroller up and down the stairs all by myself. I needed to learn to cook and get household things done while I was alone with Maverick. How to leave the house alone. I got that done. One kid and two arms was doable. I had to get used to single parenting or solo parenting as a police wife.
Still many years later now that my boys are ages 5 and 7, I regularly go solo to kid’s parties or sporting events on the weekends or holiday parties. I often fill my solo parenting days with fun activities we can do as a family. Check out my free printable with ideas here. I just went to a pool party for my son’s jiujitsu class where I was the only mom in the pool for the first hour. The other mom’s children were strong swimmers. Leonidas, my newly 5 year old, has just learned to swim. I needed to be right by his side. Without Rick there, I felt alone as the other moms were socializing outside the pool. I reminded myself that my husband is a police officer. I make sacrifices because of that. I find pride in that rather than resentment.
One more story to help you feel less alone on one of those solo parenting challenge days..
The downstairs toilet needed to be plunged, and this would have totally been handled by my lovely handy husband, but he was already at work…and wasn't going to be home ‘til 7:30pm. We have two other bathrooms, but they’re upstairs and my boys are used to using our downstairs bath during the day, so it needed to be dealt with. Meanwhile, my son Maverick woke up not feeling well. Leonidas thinks of Maverick and him as one person, so he felt like he should stay home from school too. He had a crying disaster moment. While I did get him to go to school and he didn't cry at drop off, I came home to that darn toilet and juggling Maverick and working from home. It took me plunging on and off all day to get the toilet fixed. Also, I get a call from my MIL that the condo we own in Vegas, where Rick's sister lives, is flooding really bad from a leak in the condo upstairs. Ugh. What a mess! Rick was at work, and honestly knows everything about the condo more than me. I knew our homeowners insurance but that was about it. We finally get ahold of Rick and he deals with everything he can over the phone.
Phew… then, after picking up Leonidas was from school, it was a good afternoon. My energy was spent though by the end of the day. After dinner, I asked my boys to go upstairs to take baths. I asked Mav to help Leonidas to fill up the tub while I made everyone's lunches for the next day. I usually do it when it's just the three of us home, but Rick usually has Mav do it, so I knew he could. Leonidas can bathe himself independently after that. After Leonidas was done, he comes downstairs. I hear Maverick call Leonidas to grab him his towel, which is in their bathroom, and Maverick had bathed in our master bath. Usually, Maverick would call me if he needed something. Without complaint, Leonidas goes back upstairs to grab him his towel.
When both boys came downstairs, I told them how helpful they were in helping each other out. Leonidas says to me,
“mom, you already do so much.”
It made my day. Maybe my whole year to hear him acknowledge my work. Motherhood is a gift, but it requires a lot of work too.
I see you, fellow police wife/gf doing all the things. Sure, we don't get words of affirmation on the daily, but I hope you know that your husband and kids see you taking care of so many things without complaint.
Solo Parenting Help
Accept your unique role as a police wife and solo parent. Your life looks different than other wives. You will do more at home than other wives whose spouses are home at 5:30pm each night. You are a police wife. You contribute critically to creating a home that is safe and healthy for your spouse and family. You give your spouse a safe place to rest, recoup, and enjoy life. While many people may not acknowledge your work in the home, I do. I see you. I see that in your homemaking, your officer can rest and be the hero he needs to be in the home. I see you raising kind children that care about their community. I see you volunteering, making lunches for your spouse, treats for the station, etc. You are doing God’s work. Embrace this role. You’re amazing! I talk more about this in my stories and prayers inspired by Bible scriptures in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book.
Solo Parenting Resources- Self Care- Ask for Help
Rick and I attempted to juggle opposite work schedules for the first year of Maverick’s life. We were not sleeping nor getting an ounce of time to think and it was miserable. When we found a trustworthy daycare provider to watch Maverick 3 days a week on my teaching days, it was like night and day. I felt like I could breathe again. I was constantly upset with Rick about overtime or court when he was supposed to be with Maverick while I worked. I was upset with Rick, but really I was upset with the circumstance. Rick nor I could control his work schedule, but we could control what we did about it.
Before we decided to have a second child, Leonidas, I asked Rick if we could afford daycare 3 days a week for two kids. I realized how critical it was for me, as a working mom, to have reliable help. Even if you are not a working mom, reliable help once a week or once a month can really settle your nerves. Ask for help when you need it. It takes a village.
Solo Parenting Resources- Independence in Your Daily Routine in Solo Parenting while married
Create routines in your life that you can do on your own as a solo parent. Then, ask your spouse to support those home routines when he is home. For example, generally each night I eat lunch with my boys at the dinner table with the TV off around 6pm. Then, I clean up. I give my youngest a bath and my oldest takes a bath in the other bathroom. We relax in PJs in the living room, brush teeth, then I read them a book and sing them a song before they go to sleep around 8pm. Most nights, this looks about the same. This routine creates sanity for me. Sure, when Rick is home, he makes our boys laugh more and has fun, but in general he supports the routine I created. I know that I do this routine alone but welcome Rick to be a part of it when he is home.
If you’re struggle with routines, check out my productivity tips for police wives blog.
Planning for You Solo Parenting Tips
Planning is tough as a police wife. Why do I still recommend it? Rick emails me his work schedule when he gets it. This way I can anticipate long solo parenting stretches. During those times that I can anticipate them, I will text a friend to schedule a play date or plan a fun trip to the beach, museum or zoo. I really loved going to mom workout groups, such as Stroller Strides (look for one in your area) when my boys were babies and toddlers. Be around other people and schedule things to do out of the house so you feel less alone and don’t go stir crazy. Sure, we cannot plan each overtime shift, but we can see ahead for some.