Parenting Children of Police Officers: Being Raised by a Police Officer

Parenting children of police officers is unique. From my experience as a police wife of 11 years and mom of a 7 and 9 year old now, I know that my children of a police officer experience different routines than others. I also share tips to prevent overwhelm in solo parenting in my police wife course. Here are 6 specific examples and tips for parenting children raised by a police officer and police wife:

1. Concealed Weapons & Being Raised by a Police Officer

I was so excited to do a trial class of a Parks and Rec music class for my (then) 4-year old, Leonidas. He had a great time! After leaving the class, I was supposed to receive an email invite to join the class, but I never did. About two weeks after the class, I received a phone call from a woman at Parks & Rec. She said, “I feel awkward saying this, but a woman observed a firearm on your son’s father.” I said, “Yes. He’s a police officer.” She laughed in relief, but then asked me if he could not wear it to the class in the future. I explained to her that his department informs their officers that they are always on duty. She still asked if he could not wear the gun on him while in class. I politely agreed, but we never returned. We have found other fun activities for Leonidas to do where we are accepted.

My husband carries a concealed weapon. It’s almost always on his hip. It’s almost a part of him. It’s so normal to me and our children that I don’t usually think about it. I share this story and many more about raising our children as a police wife and officer in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book.

Find communities for your children and family where you feel safe being you, get a gun safe to store weapons, & teach your children gun safety.

2. Always on Duty & Children of Police Officers

We recently parked next to a car at Target. My husband looked at the car next to ours, and then pulled out of the spot. I asked him why and he said, “the people in that car shouldn’t be here.” He observed them doing drugs. While my eyes and our children’s eyes are blind to the activity, he sees it, and we accommodate him by removing ourselves from those situations.

Our sons, Leonidas and Maverick, are young, but they will learn that their father is always on duty. Lately, they have been asking a lot of questions about their dad’s work. One day, my son’s question took me by surprise. He had overheard another conversation between me and my husband, his dad, who is a police officer. We were discussing a restaurant we used to enjoy visiting, and I mentioned wanting to go back. But, once again, my husband said no. Our son picked up on it immediately and wanted to know “why doesn’t Daddy want us to go to that restaurant?”

“We don’t see the world the way your dad sees the world,” I began. “At work, he has to deal with crime that a lot of people don’t know about. The kind of things that most of us never think could happen right around the corner. I didn’t always understand it myself until something happened right after we got married.”

He was listening closely, so I shared a story that helped me see things from his dad’s perspective, even though I didn’t at the time.

“When we first got married, your dad was at work, and I was at home. I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and saw an apartment maintenance guy standing there. He said he needed to check our closet for something. I didn’t think much of it and let him in. He looked around and then left. No big deal, right?”

I looked at my son, who was already wide-eyed, wondering what came next.

“Well, a couple of days later, I casually mentioned it to your dad. He was shocked and asked me, ‘Why did you let him into our closet?’ I didn’t know why he was upset. I thought it was no big deal. But then your dad said, ‘He could have seen our guns in there and come back for them later.’

“That moment really made me realize that your dad doesn’t look at the world like the rest of us do. His job means he has to see things differently—always looking for the potential danger or what could go wrong. I didn’t see the risk of letting someone in, but he did.”

I paused for a moment, letting my son absorb the story.

“Years later, your dad told me about a case at work. He said he’d caught a robber who had been impersonating a maintenance guy, going into people’s apartments and robbing them at gunpoint. He remembered how I let that guy in all those years ago, and I finally understood why he was so worried.”

I could tell my son was connecting the dots. Sometimes it’s hard for kids to understand why their police parent acts or feels a certain way, especially when it’s about safety.

“I thought back to that moment when your dad was upset with me, and I started to understand why. I developed a lot more empathy for him that day, and from then on, I knew to trust him when it came to safety—because he sees things I just don’t see.

So, buddy, when Dad says we shouldn’t go somewhere, like that restaurant, it’s not because he doesn’t want us to have fun. It’s because he knows things that might make that place unsafe. And I trust him to keep us safe.”

I share this story and many more relatable moments for police wives in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book.

3. Politics, Police Hate, and Raising Police Kids

The question “Why do you say that some democrats don’t support police?” came from my 9-year-old son one afternoon as he overheard a conversation between me, his father, who is a police officer, and his grandmother, who identifies as a Democrat. We were discussing an ongoing topic that has come up many times over the years—especially during the height of the 2020 protests and the movement to “defund the police.” Our conversation was respectful but also highlighted a very real difference in viewpoints, which, naturally, my son picked up on.

As a mother, I believe it’s important to answer my kids’ questions honestly but also age-appropriately. I want them to understand the world around them without instilling fear or fostering divisiveness. I paused for a moment before responding to him, and here’s how I explained it.

“You were five, and your brother was just three when the year 2020 began. It was a strange time, not just because of the virus everyone was talking about, but there were also big changes and conflicts happening for police officers like Daddy. Protests, riots, and even violence against police became common on TV and in our own city. People were frustrated, angry, and some believed police were part of the problem.

There were people who threw things at Daddy, like frozen water bottles, and his fellow officers as they stood in line, holding their ground but told not to respond. Even when homemade bombs were thrown, they had to stand firm. Daddy and other officers were working nonstop, with no end in sight.”

I watched my son’s face as I continued, trying to break this all down in a way that made sense to him.

“At the same time, many Democratic leaders started calling for less police presence, saying the police budget should be cut or ‘defunded.’ They thought too many officers were bad or that the police system was broken. Some of them believed that police officers were hurting communities, especially ones with more people of color, because of racism. While there are always a few bad apples in every job, not every police officer is like that. Daddy works hard to protect everyone.”

It was hard for him to understand how some people might think less police is a good idea, so I added:

“Lots of people, including many some Democrats, said we didn’t need as many police officers. But, they also needed protection from the very people they wanted to cut—police like Daddy. In fact, some politicians who supported the ‘defund the police’ movement hired off-duty officers for their own security, even while saying there should be fewer of them. It didn’t really make sense to us.”

At this point, my son was wide-eyed, taking it all in. I wanted to make sure he understood our family’s perspective without completely writing off what other people believed.

“Racism is real, and we should all stand against it. But to keep people safe, we also need rules and police to make sure everyone can live peacefully. That’s why Daddy does what he does. We can believe in social justice and order at the same time. That’s why I say some Democrats don’t support the police. They put Daddy and other officers in unsafe positions while our communities suffered without enough police presence. I know it’s a lot to understand right now, but I want you to know I will always vote for people who support Daddy’s work and keep our family safe.”

As a family, we know that not everyone agrees with our views. And that’s okay. It’s important to have these discussions, even when we don’t see eye to eye, like the one we had with his grandmother. What matters most is that we always respect each other’s perspectives, listen, and stand by the values that keep our family strong. I find that visiting the police station is so important for me and my children. I wrote a children’s book Donuts at the Station that will pull on your heart strings and help you to have these conversations with your young children.

4. How to Deal when Children of Police Officers See or Hear “F*ck” the Police

While half a world away from a suburb og Los Angeles where we are from, exploring the historic city of Sevilla, our 9-year-old son came across a piece of graffiti that read, 

"f**k the police." 

Our boys love graffiti and think of it as art. They don't see it often in the suburb that we live in, so they love it when we go visit their dad in LA and they get to see it. As you can imagine, this was a surprising and confusing moment for him to read “f**k the police”. This was his first exposure to police hate.

He turned to us and asked, "Why did they write that?"

This led to our first conversation about why people might feel angry towards the police. We explained that not everyone likes getting arrested and that sometimes people express their frustration in ways that are not respectful. It was a simple explanation, but it opened the door to a deeper understanding for him. We will have more complex discussions as he gets older.

Our kids attend a Christian private school where support for the police is common, even though we live in a liberal neighborhood in California. This contrast made the graffiti in Sevilla even more impactful.

The next day, our son took it upon himself to express his thoughts. 

He wrote graffiti in a video game that said,

"don't [bad word] the police,"

but he literally wrote "bad word." This was his way of standing up for his father's profession, using the language he felt comfortable with. We didn't ask him to defend his father, but his actions showed us the depth of his understanding and his sense of justice, even at such a young age. It made me so happy. I wrote Boots by the Door and Donuts at the Station to create opportunities for your kids to have these kinds of conversations with you.

5. Stability & Being a Child of a Police Officer

Rick has been in specialized units working swing and night shifts in Los Angeles for our almost 9 years of marriage. Our children are used to their father working odd hours and sleeping when we are awake. I have explained to them that “daddy has to work at night, so he sleeps during the day” several times until they understood. Rick often worked unstable days too with no regular days on and off as his department uses 30-day deployment periods. To create stability, I always assume I am 100% responsible for my boys. I am a working mom, but am able to get my hours to accommodate my boys’ needs for school pickup and drop off, extracurricular activities, etc. I am the parent who can create stability for our children. If you are not able to do this, find stability that works for your family. Maybe it’s after school care or a nanny etc. I wrote the book, Boots by the Door, to help young children understand and create an opportunity for them to express their feelings about the shift work and unexpected work schedule in their police daddy.

Try using a whiteboard calendar low to the ground so your kids can see it to write down the days that the police officer parent is working. Check out my Coordinating the Chaos section of my productivity blog.

6. Holidays- Being a Police Officer and a Mom

We often celebrate birthdays and holidays at different days and times than other families. That’s okay. I try to celebrate earlier than the holiday so that our children don’t feel left out when the holiday occurs, because we have already celebrated it! I have also found that planning a solo parent routine for when I’m alone with my children on holidays helps with police wife loneliness.

Celebrate holidays before the actual holiday date as a family if the police officer parent has to work on the holiday.

I truly hope you found this blog helpful. If you feel that you need nuanced support for specific issues you’re having, please check out my 1:1 coaching service. My police wife course is also designed to address common challenges among police wives, especially those with children. Other blogs you may like:

How to Thrive in Solo Parenting as a Police Wife

Four Ways to Adjust to Your Police Husband being Home and Co-Parenting Again- Reintegration

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