5 Common Police Wife Struggles or Struggles of Dating a Police Officer
The first few years of any marriage or dating a police officer are hardest for any couple. In all honesty, the first five years were the hardest for us, but we made it through stronger. I share everything I learned so that you can find joy faster than I did in my police wife course and heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book. Also, check out my new Boots by the Door, a book for police kids. As a police wife or dating a police officer, you will have unique circumstances that many other couples do not understand. It can be helpful to find other cop wives or girlfiends who do understand (such as my Instagram LEOW community). You will have police wife struggles or struggles of dating a police officer compared to other relationships, but I have helpful tips below to address each police wife struggle.
Dating a Cop is Lonely
At the beginning, you may feel lonely, but it’s normal, and you will learn to adapt. I share about a date I went to solo in this blog. Develop a community of people that you love to spend time with. Consider joining group workouts, sports teams, mom groups, etc. to make friends. Anticipate your loneliness ahead of time. For example, if you know that your police husband is working the next two weekends, plan some fun things to do with friends or a group.
Another option is to enjoy the solitude. Find things that your spouse doesn’t really like to do, such as watch chick flicks or a specific hike that bothers his knees. Put on your ear pods and enjoy that hike with your favorite music or podcast. Check out my blogs on dealing with loneliness and thriving in the police wife life even though it can be lonely for more information.
click here to grab my devotional book
Police officer marriage statistics.
In the midst of an argument, the back of our mind moves to think about the high divorce rates that we have heard about in police officer marriage statistics. I want to debunk that myth for you right now. More recent data shows that police officer marriages have lower divorce rates than others. So, beyond the fact that this myth is false, you are not a statistics.
Focus on the positives. Don’t let society determine your marriage success. You can be joyful and confident in your marriage. Build your skills by reading my book.
You find yourself frustrated with your officer's unpredictable hours, feeling like he's "married to the job," and juggling life and parenting alone. After Sustainable Police Wife, you will wake up each day looking forward to your day, even if your spouse isn’t home, working nights, and tons of overtime. The solo parenting days go by so fast, because you’re out having crazy, fun adventures with your children. You will feel supported by a tribe who "gets you" and connected to your officer.
Police schedules and unpredictability.
This beautiful life can be unpredictable.
Flexibility is key. I have learned over time to have very little expectations that my husband will be off for holidays or even our boys’ birthdays. We often schedule, as you probably will too, holidays on days other than the actual holiday.
Consider using a white board family calendar like this one that I use to keep track of your spouses’ work time, overtime, and court days. I leave my calendar low to the ground so my children can see it too. I even draw pictures on it so my littlest can “read” it too.
Don’t miss my blog on police wife productivity hacks including how I deal with the chaotic schedules.
Your husband may never be home on time.
Lower your expectation. I do not wait on my spouse for dinner, etc., because if he is late, then I may resent him. It’s easier for me to be happy if he is able to make it for something than be upset that he could not. I am a very organized person and thrive on routine. Check out my productivity tips for police wives. Also, here are some great tips for having a shift work spouse.
Remember to wait to be worried for at least a couple hours after his shift would normally end. Overtime is a normal part of his job.
Consider getting him a smart watch, so he can easily text you to tell you he’s running late.
Night Shift Sleep.
His sleep may mess up your own sleep schedule. He might work night shift or swing shift and be on an opposite sleeping schedule than you. Try to create your own routine around sleep regardless of his schedule if you have children or work during the day. Check out my blog on sleeping with a night shift spouse for many helpful tips.
