Police Spouse Support for Shift Work Schedules
Planning is laughable as a police spouse. Our spouses’ schedules are often unstable and unreliable. Early on, this caused resentment for me. As my children have gotten old enough, they began asking if “Daddy” had to work the next day. My husband’s schedule changes every 30 days and may or may not include overtime or court days. It was hard enough for me to keep track of let alone inform our children. If you’re a parent, you may want to check out my blog on being a police wife and mom.
I share how to design your life uniquely for a police officer family lifestyle in my police wife course and have 42 stories of examples of living the shift work lifestyle and how we overcame the challenges in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book.
Here are a few things I have done to plan for my family regardless of having a spouse with a shift work schedule:
Use a white board & e-family calendar.
I am a huge fan of an electronic calendar, such as a Google calendar, that can be shared with family members, but when you have young children, a white board family calendar with magnets (here’s the calendar* I use) is a fun idea! My police spouse emails me his schedule when he gets it every four weeks. I enter in his works into my Google calendar and then draw or write his work days onto our whiteboard calendar, which is low to the ground so our young boys can see when their dad is working too.
You find yourself frustrated with your officer's unpredictable hours, feeling like he's "married to the job," and juggling life and parenting alone. After Sustainable Police Wife, you will wake up each day looking forward to your day, even if your spouse isn’t home, working nights, and tons of overtime. The solo parenting days go by so fast, because you’re out having crazy, fun adventures with your children. You will feel supported by a tribe who "gets you" and connected to your officer.
Family calendars.
Use one or both of the following family calendars:
Shared Google or E-Calendar. This is so helpful for police couples if both are open to using it. Funny thing is that I recommend this, but I am the only one that uses it in my relationship. My husband sends me his work schedule, which is emailed to him and I add his work days into my Google Calendar. He keeps his schedule in his head. I have no idea how he does this!
Whiteboard Family Calendar. The whiteboard calendar is very helpful when you have young children who may not have a cell phone or read. I place our whiteboard calendar low to the ground so our boys can read it as well. When Rick gets his schedule, which changes every 4 weeks, I update the calendar by drawing pictures when my police husband is working so me and my kids can keep track.
Embrace the shift work life.
It is your schedule now too, because your police spouse is in law enforcement. For years, I fought it. I would joke that I wanted to be the police scheduler. I would tell my police spouse that he was never home. I would complain about it. That did not help at all and only made things worse for both of us.
Once I embraced the police shift work schedule, our relationship improved. I began to support my police spouse by ensuring he had a noise machine to sleep during the day and blackout curtains. I even found ways to improve my own sleep when he was working shift.
Holidays and weekends alone.
Go to that holiday party or family gathering on the weekend solo with confidence knowing that your police spouse is working hard for the community and your family. You will get asked “is _____ working again?” or questions like that repeatedly. Respond with confidence. Embrace your solitude and really enjoy the times when you get to be together. Holidays and “weekends” can be celebrated on other days.
If you’re experiencing loneliness, check out this blog.