5 Ways to Support Your Police Officer Husband with Burnout
My police husband of 11 years has been through a lot in his 17-year career. We dated during the six years he has served in Los Angeles law enforcement prior to marriage from his academy days. I have learned overtime some practical ideas for how to support your police officer husband from person experience. I frame this blog around burnout, but there are many other specific challenges that you may face, so check out my blogs on critical incidents, injury on duty, the academy, depression, and safety concerns.
Recently, while waiting for my son to get released from his class at school, a dad asked me about how Rick, my police husband, was doing. I responded and hesitated. I admitted, “he’s been a little burnt out".” That dad, who is a firefighter, couldn’t wait to jump on that bandwagon. He said his brother was a sheriff and he has felt the same way. It’s sad to hear that it’s so common, but a lot has changed in the past few years. It can be especially difficult for officers who started under a different way of doing things to adjust to the new view of police work. I am a social worker, and often feel that new policies want our police to be social workers, and that just isn’t going to work in my opinion. We each have our role and we need law enforcement to enforce laws and social workers to help people and advocate for social justice. During this challenging time, I have found 5 ways that I have been able to help Rick. Keep reading for ideas of how to support for police officer husband. Burnout isn’t just prevalent among our police officers, but it also affects us wives. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, resentful, frustrated, or lonely, check out my police wife course and heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book.
Police burnout symptoms aka grumpy
Burnout in law enforcement is so common. We see depression among our spouses. It makes me sad and I want to do everything I can to improve the joy of our officers, our heroes. In fact, first responders often only work for 10 years before experiencing burnout. After these past two years with the defunding initiatives and more red tape to prevent officers from feeling like they can do their jobs coupled with general life challenges has exacerbated burnout rates. Burnout can look a lot like:
apathy (a lack of emotion or excitement for anything)
lack of energy
what we wives refer to as “grumpy”.
You find yourself frustrated with your officer's unpredictable hours, feeling like he's "married to the job," and juggling life and parenting alone. After Sustainable Police Wife, you will wake up each day looking forward to your day, even if your spouse isn’t home, working nights, and tons of overtime. The solo parenting days go by so fast, because you’re out having crazy, fun adventures with your children. You will feel supported by a tribe who "gets you" and connected to your officer.
How to Support Your Police Husband: Keep him fed
Basic needs are so critical when it comes to burnout and general joy in life.
When I asked Rick how I could help with burnout, he said,
“Lunch is a huge help.”
He was referring to how I pack him lunches for work. I have a meal planning guide and free recipe book here. I pack Rick a sandwich (for on-the-go eating), meal prepped hot meal, chips, fruit, and a treat usually.
Rick also loves to have protein and a shaker cup. We have been loving Muscle Milk chocolate protein. I also drink it post-workout.
I was not always able to make Rick’s lunches when our boys were babies and toddlers, but now that they are school-age, I am able to make everyone’s lunches at one time.
How to Support Your Police Husband: Ensure he gets lots of ZZZs
The next thing my police husband told me that helped him with burnout was, “you got me that fan.” He was referring to a box fan that I swear by as the best noise machine. My police husband is a night shift worker, and we have young children, so I knew we needed something that could cancel out the noise.
Having a spouse is works odd hours can be very difficult. I have always tried to plan a morning activity for my boys and me, so we left the house and it was quiet so Rick could sleep. In summer, a park or hike is a great idea. In winter, find an indoor play place or library storytime to go off to so your spouse can get some necessary sleep. For more tips on how to keep children quiet when you have a night shift spouse, check out this blog.
How to Support Your Police Husband: Give him space
I wrote a recent blog on reintegration, which we police families go though as our spouses return home after working a few shifts and mostly being away from the family for a while. When you are feeling that his energy is low, give him space and time. A major thing that I do is encourage and give my police husband time to workout. He works out 6 days a week. This is time away from the family, but it keeps Rick healthy so it’s worth it. Exercise is so amazing for our physical and mental health. Adopt-a-Cop BJJ provides $50 a month for law enforcement to cover or help with gym fees for jiujitsu, and we use that ourselves. Rick also does CrossFit and MMA.
How to Support Your Police Husband: The ol’ switcheroo
Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and seeing things from a new perspective by changing units, roles, or departments can help.
Rick was working a unit for far too many years that gave him a hard time constantly. He was so burnt out. If you have a large enough department, consider switching units or even departments. Yes, the grass can be greener. Once Rick switched to a new unit, it was like night and day. His new unit supported and encouraged him. Additionally, once your police husband has been on his department for a while, he can get frustrated by supervisors because he knows so much and might not agree with their decisions. I believe that might be a sign that it’s time for a promotion himself. Consider encouraging him to go up for the next promotion available.
How to Support Your Police Husband: Take a load off
If your police spouse is working a ton of mandatory overtime, then taking time off might not be an option right away. Do you know what can still help? Planning a vacation during a time that tends to be slower for their department. If your officer can take time off, then encourage him to do so even if it is a staycation. Here are some affordable stay at home date ideas.
Take care of your own needs, girl.
While you are busy ensuring your man is taken care of, be sure that you are taking care of yourself too. Self-care is so critical for you to prevent burnout. I have 16 daily easy-to-do self-care habits that I implement as a busy police wife and working mom here.
I also highly recommend that you get my two books that will help you to build skills as a police wife to prevent resentment and burnout yourself, heelsandholster: a police wife devotional.