Are Police Officers Controlling in Relationships?
My police officer, Rick, and I have been married for 10 years. Just last night I looked over at him holding the TV remote while we were watching a show in bed together. I had a flashback to a man I dated prior to Rick doing that with the remote and how it bugged me. That man, right before I broke up with him, put his hand up in my face to make me quiet while he berated me for my behavior. He told me I embarrassed him. I am blessed with strength and knew that he was controlling in our relationship. I left right away.
Never has my officer, Rick, ever treated me that way. Rick and I were watching a show I love. He asks me each night we are home together, “what do you want to watch tonight?” His hand was on the remote to turn up and down the volume when needed because our boys were sleeping. He wasn’t holding the remote to be controlling.
He was doing it so I could relax.
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Are police officers controlling in relationships?
Sometimes, but typically it’s for your safety. I won’t deny that Rick and I ran into some arguments in our early marriage years. The specific time I remember is when Maverick was just a baby. Our pediatrician approved of me taking Maverick on jogs. I mention to Rick that I was going to take Maverick out soon in the jogging stroller. Before I knew it, Rick casually presented me with a map of our neighborhood and advised me to take a jog on specific roads. He told me that one certain direction was not safe. I felt annoyed at that moment. I wanted to run in the direction he said wasn’t safe- not because he didn’t want me to run there- but because there were shops and restaurants to look at as I passed. But, I followed his advice. He later told me that there were gangs and other issues on that road that he wanted me to avoid.
I have learned over many years and experiences to trust Rick’s instinct and the way he sees things, which is unique. I see the world through sunshine and rainbows. Rick does not. Because of his work, he has a keen eye for crime and the potential for crime.
Struggles of dating a police officer
If you’re having struggles of dating a police officer regarding controlling behavior, be sure to ask him questions and try to understand his point of view. It’s okay to push back and set boundaries on things that mean a lot to you. For example, Rick wanted us to use a PO Box for all mail. He said that there were gang members that could find out our home address if we used it for mail regularly. I understood this, but…When our boys were young, it was very inconvenient for us to get in the car and drive about 10 minutes away to the PO Box. Maybe that sounds not too inconvenient, but if you have had a baby who doesn’t love the car, then you will know what I mean. I pushed back on this issue a bit and now we do use a PO Box for most of the mail, but I do have certain items delivered at home.
Overtime, based on learning more about how my officer sees things, I have begun to trust Rick. One specific example that I share in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book is when Rick was upset with me for letting a maintenance guy come into our apartment. I didn’t see why Rick was so upset until years later when Rick arrested a robber pretending to be a maintenance guy. I thought back to that early argument of we had over me letting a maintenance guy into our apartment and could see why Rick was upset.
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What kind of woman do cops like to date?
You might think that cops would like to date permissive women, but that is very wrong. I am a strong woman and I strongly believe that my husband and I love each other partially because we challenge each other in a healthy way to be better people. I promote independence among police wives and girlfriends in my free e-book guide to loving a cop. Cops need partners that can be independent, can deal with the struggles that come with being a police family. While I believe that cops like women who are traditional in that we often care for the home and our children the most, they also need someone who is strong. This is why it is okay to ask questions about the things that observe might be controlling. An officer who is going to make a good partner to you will understand why you are asking and explain himself rather than getting defensive. Give your officer a chance to see your side of things. I can take time for you to come together as a couple and meet in the middle. I think you would relate and enjoy reading my other blog “My Husband Changed After Becoming a Cop” next.