How to Help Your Husband with Depression (as a Police Wife)
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Police officers experience over 3 traumatic incidents every 6 months on the job; that is one every couple months (Hartley et al., 2013). Stressors from the job compiled with typical personal life challenges increase the chances that your husband may experience depression, anxiety, or paranoia. Can you be a cop with depression? Can you be a police officer with depression? It seems like depression, anxiety, and trauma are a part of the job, but symptoms can be maintained and avoided.
You’re reading this article, so you’re probably aware of these issues, but I want you to know that depression at some point in our lives is normal. It can come and go. Our family lost my husband’s father a couple years ago, and the year following that was very challenging for my husband and the entire family. Still today, Rick (my husband) talks about how thankful he is that I was there for him. Please note that these are recommendations are based on my experience with mild depression, but you should consult with a physician or call 911 if you are concerned for your spouse’s safety. Let’s focus not just on how to deal with a depressed husband, but also on how to help as a police wife.
Your police officer husband may not want to talk.
He may not want to talk, and that is okay. Women tend to desire to talk about their feelings. Oftentimes, men don’t. It took me years to learn that it truly did not help Rick (my police officer husband) to talk things out. Since it helped me, I assumed it helped him. Just physically spending time with Rick doing things we enjoyed together, such as spending time with our children, was what Rick needed. Just being there.
How to Help Your Husband with Depression? Take care of things.
Take care of household and child responsibilities even if you do solo parenting. This is a big one. Rick describes me as a “rock” in our police officer family, because I keep everything going during times that he needed time for recovery. Sometimes in marriage you give more and sometimes you take more. When you have a depressed husband, it’s time to give more. Taking care of the household and child responsibilities relieves stress from your spouse. Don’t miss my productivity hacks for police wives blog.
Self-care.
Take care of yourself and surround your family with positive, supportive people. Because you are taking on more responsibilities, you need to remember to ask for help from extended family members, paid daycare providers, etc. to ensure that you take care of yourself. I have created a 10-day self-care challenge that is focused on improving your police marriage and self-care routine.
Plan a vacation even if it’s a staycation for your police officer husband.
Go on a vacation. A vacation is time to not just get away physically and mentally, but also it changes up your family routine if you’re in a funk. I reflect on this in my police wife devotional and on Instagram a lot… Rick is happiest when he is outdoors and away from crowds. He loves camping!
Time and patience.
Specific traumatic incidents can take years to recover from. Acknowledge that this is okay, but seek out medical care or suggest it to your spouse if you are worried about him.
Can you be a police officer with depression? Encourage your spouse to workout.
Depression may be caused by a specific life challenge, but can persist due to a chemical change in the brain. Physical activity and/or medication (as prescribed by a physician) can address the chemical changes. Rick does boxing, wrestling, MMA, and cross-fit. It has been so good for his body and mind as a police officer. Give your spouse time to go to the gym. You can even apply for Adopt-a-Cop BJJ to cover $50 worth of a gym fee for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu here for your police officer husband.
Check out my blog on recovery from an injury on duty, since that could contribute to depression.
Hormone therapy
Hormone therapy. Men’s hormone levels change as they get older. Consider suggesting that your spouse get their hormone levels checked by a physician.
Can you be a cop with depression?
Yes, but seek medical help. Cognitive therapy and anti-depressant medications combined have shown great success in relieving depression symptoms over time.
Spend time together.
Surprise your husband with these cute at-home date night ideas, such as trying a new recipe together, playing a board game, s’mores, and fun things that will get his mind off negative thoughts.
I have noticed that my husband is truly happiest when he get to have down time and just chill with our boys and me even if it’s just at home.
I talk more about this in my heelandholster: a police wife devotional book.