How to Ask My Police Husband for Help Around the House or With Baby
Even if you feel uncomfortable… I got you!
I was on a call with a fellow police wife recently. She asked, “how do you ask your husband for help? Whenever I ask my husband to help me with the kids, he tells me that he ‘needs to rest’. He’s ‘tired from work’.”
Here’s my answer.
We are taught to be passive from a young age as women. It doesn't come natural for us to be assertive. Sometimes when I ask for help, I tend to downplay just how much I need help. I still do this. I'm not perfect.
I might say, “It'd be really nice if you could get up with the boys sometime", which isn't really a question.
Rick might say “sure”, but I asked him in such a vague way that he doesn't really have to commit right?
We must be direct with what our needs are and why we need help. Learn more skills on how to do this in my police wife course and heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book.
See the text from me to Rick and his response below. This is a real text from last week.
Actual text I sent Rick.
Read the green text that I sent to my husband to ask for help. What does the text include?
I specifically reported my needs.
I also specifically reported why I needed help.
This is very different than a vague request like, “I could really use your help this week.” We cannot except our husbands to read our minds. We need to be specific.
Now, read his text below.
Click this picture to see my police wife devotional book.
My husband’s response.
Read the grey text. To give some context to the text, Rick typically stops at a gym to workout on his way home from work. On normal weeks for me and my boys, I've got things covered and fully support Rick working out. You know I promote independence. Find my productivity hacks for police wives here. Last week my boys were out on spring break. I was juggling working and watching them. It was a lot to ask just of me. It's reasonable for me to ask Rick to not work out so I can catch up on work. We are partners.
I want to acknowledge that Rick, my husband, recognized my role and burdens placed on my shoulders in the text. Be patient with your husband if he does not do this. Rick and I have been married for nine years. I do not expect him to do this, but I know he does this because of past arguments.
How to Ask My Police Husband for Help Around the House or With Baby
Click here to see our new Police Kids Book
In summary, when I asked for help, I was specific on my needs and why I needed help. This does not come easy to most women who are socialized to be passive. Let’s promise each other we will be more assertive in the future, okay? We’ve got this!
You find yourself frustrated with your officer's unpredictable hours, feeling like he's "married to the job," and juggling life and parenting alone. After Sustainable Police Wife, you will wake up each day looking forward to your day, even if your spouse isn’t home, working nights, and tons of overtime. The solo parenting days go by so fast, because you’re out having crazy, fun adventures with your children. You will feel supported by a tribe who "gets you" and connected to your officer.