5 Ways to Thrive Being a Cop’s Wife Alone during a Holiday When Police Spouse Works
I asked my husband Rick about our growth moments recently to write heelsandholster: a police wife devotional, and he said, “You were adamant about Christmas. You told me that if I was not there Christmas morning, then you would open the stockings and presents with our boys without me.” He is not wrong. Yes, this sounds selfish and awful. The reason for this specific holiday tradition is that it was always magical to me as a kid. We were not a religious family and Christmas morning was our thing. My mom went all out. I could move holiday meals or other traditions to other days/times, but Christmas morning was Christmas morning to me. There was no changing it. This meant that Rick has often lost sleep to be there for Christmas morning. Rick has worked mostly night or swing shift, so he often would sleep a little, then get up to celebrate Christmas morning with us. Besides that, I would shift our other traditions, such as a family meal, to any time that worked best for Rick based on his schedule. To me, this is compromise. As I share in my new children’s book for police kids, Boots by the Door, children may be sad when their police parent goes off to work, but we spouses make the magic regardless. I share more about compromises in my police wife course. Here are my tips for thrive as a police wife alone during a holiday when your husband works:
A a Police Wife, You Can Move Holiday Traditions
As I said, many traditions for holidays can be moved to other dates or times that accommodate your police husband’s work schedule. Don’t worry about doing what everyone else is doing or when. Live your life however you want. If you have kids, it can be best to celebrate holidays earlier so they aren’t bummed when their friends celebrate before them.
Have you done Elf on the Shelf police family style? Check out my Elf on the Shelf ideas here.
Create Stability for Specific Holiday Traditions as Wives of Police Officers
I have found that I create stability for our everyday family routines as well as holidays in our family. As I described in my story about Christmas morning, I wanted that one tradition to be the same time/day each year. That is okay. I could create that stability. Of course, if you want to have a tradition at the same day/time each year and you are not sure if your spouse will be working at that time, it is important to communicate that with your spouse. Are they okay with you celebrating without them? Can you compromise? If it is important to you, tell them why.
I share more about this in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book.
Embrace Different Traditions Whether Your Spouse will be Home or Working as a Thin Blue Line Wife
Rick has worked most Fourth of Julys for as long as I could remember, so I planned to spend time with my friends and family on that day, so my boys and I were not alone. This past year he was off so we spent it with him of course and things looked a bit differently. Our roles as police wives ask us to be flexible. For other holidays, if I do not have any friends or family to spend the day with, I plan a special day for my boys and me. We might go to the beach, Zoo, a special holiday event. I even took my boys to see Santa at a local meet n greet all by myself once.
You find yourself frustrated with your officer's unpredictable hours, feeling like he's "married to the job," and juggling life and parenting alone. After Sustainable Police Wife, you will wake up each day looking forward to your day, even if your spouse isn’t home, working nights, and tons of overtime. The solo parenting days go by so fast, because you’re out having crazy, fun adventures with your children. You will feel supported by a tribe who "gets you" and connected to your officer.
How to Deal with the Comments While Married to a Cop
I know I am not the only one who has attended holiday events alone and had a family or friend say, “Your husband’s always working. Is he real?” followed by a laugh or an acquaintance ask, “Are you single?” If you are confident in your marriage and your role as a police wife, then you can roll off those comments. I want you to pride yourself in your role that you play in society. You support a first responder, a hero. If you feel insecure in your role, then those comments can be hard to swallow. I highly encourage you to find your pride and confidence by reading my book heelsandholster: a police wife devotional.
Find Police Spouse Support Groups or Start Your Own
It helps many wives to connect locally with other police spouses. Search on facebook under “groups” with your local town or city and the key words, “police wives” to see if a group already exists. If not, then create your own.
I truly hope this blog helped you to overcome anxiety, loneliness, or other negative emotions as you prepare for holidays. I truly wish you the very best holiday season!